Nathalie in Bulgaria

Final Report

themeaningofthings — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 04:25:48 +0400

Upon arriving in Bulgaria, I had somehow decided in my mind that I would be safe, both physically and emotionally. I was going to Europe, and no matter how many stories I had previously heard, I believed that because I was an hour’s flight away from Vienna, my experience could not possibly be emotionally disturbing. As soon as I arrived in Sofia and got a glimpse of my surroundings, I knew I was in for a rude awakening. Even within the Sofia city limits, I felt like I was in a remote village. For the first five days of my stay in Bulgaria, I lived with a family in Knazhevo, a neighborhood west of downtown Sofia. From the beginning they made sure to take care of me, feed me, and house me even though I had just met them. Our host, Temenouchka, made sure everything she cooked for us was perfect and would entertain us with stories of her youth and the communist oppression she experienced as a young girl. The only thing I did not like about my stay is that everyone I met was always apologetic, including Temenouchka – they never believed that anything they could offer would be good enough for a foreigner. Whenever I would ask Temenouchka how her day was, she would vent about the stress she faced in her life, with obstacles ranging from her husband’s illness and her low-paying job to how much she missed her daughter (who is currently residing in the United States) and how worried she was about her son who was unemployed. On our last day, Temenouchka had a doctor’s appointment downtown (she had a heart condition), but she made sure to leave us breakfast in the kitchen. As we made our way downstairs to eat, Vasil made us tea and told us that although he could not really cook, he wanted to be there in Temenouchka’s absence and see us off.

After my stay in Sofia, we finally made our way to Razliv, a tiny village outside the municipality of Pravets, about 30 miles from Sofia. There were only two general stores, one restaurant, and the Razliv Orphanage. As soon as we stepped inside the orphanage, kids crowded around us, wanting to touch us, talk to us, and hug us. The three of us were assigned to take care of the twenty or so kids, and we really had no idea of what we were getting ourselves into. Since only one of us spoke Bulgarian and no one at the orphanage spoke English, communication was difficult. But the children somehow managed to welcome us and show us around the village, making us take them on walks and talking endlessly about themselves and their lives, even though we could not understand them. Our work was difficult, and although many times we felt like they were too rowdy and we were their punching bags, the most difficult part was seeing how they were permanently affected because they knew their parents could not or would not take care of them. They were starved for attention and would talk their heads off from the moment you held their hands, even though we could not all speak their language. They cried, yelled at and hit each other, and knew little about respect, but they nevertheless wanted to be loved, and I hope that we at least gave that to them.

Once a week, we would travel to Vidrare, an orphanage for children with physical and mental disabilities. It was here where we felt that our work was the most emotionally draining. Children were crammed into tiny rooms in bunk beds, with as many as ten kids in each room. Although they were physically disabled, many to the point where they could not move on their own or engage in any physical activities, they were often left unsupervised. I was shocked but somehow managed to maintain a mental barrier that would prevent me from processing the reality of these children’s lives. It was so difficult to think about the meaning of their existence and the reason why they had to suffer the way they did, despite the fact that they were not capable of fully understanding their situations. In a way, it was a relief that they did not know of a better life. Because they were so used to what they knew, they made the best of it and found happiness in each other’s company. Things we would consider small made their day. A walk in the afternoon, seeing a donkey on the road, crowding inside the orphanage to avoid a storm, having us there to hold them and play with them, making them feel like they mattered. To them, these were the only things they needed to make life wonderful.

Our presence was nothing but a disturbance upon the daily workings of both orphanages. The workers were very kind to us, but they saw their role in the orphanages as a job, and they did not go out of their way to reach out to the children and act as parental figures. They would get to work, fulfill their duties, take ridiculous amounts of coffee and smoke breaks, and leave the children unattended for long periods of time. Some saw our work in the Razliv orphanage as useless. They simply did not understand why we were wasting our time on children who were unruly and “did not listen.” At the Vidrare orphanage, I found two twin girls with cerebral palsy sitting together behind a door. None of us had noticed them before because they were hidden in silence, their tiny bodies cramped in a padded chair. Their skin was ghostly pale, since they never saw the sun, and their bodies were the size of a toddler’s, despite the fact that they were exactly my age. Sofia and Sibilla had been in and out of hospitals their whole lives, and the nearest hospital in Botevgrad (a town about 20 minutes away from Vidrare) had refused to take them in anymore, considering them a lost cause. Any time they had health issues they had to be driven to Sofia. They were always kept together, which was great, but they were not bathed often and did not have their teeth brushed, so their mouths were rotting and they smelled as if they were wasting away. Not used to interacting with other human beings, they would cringe when you touched them and were very sensitive to everything around them, so they would usually sit together and do nothing but move their eyes around the room. Seeing them smile in response to our incitement was priceless.

I have never in my life felt so welcomed, needed, or loved by complete strangers as I did when I lived in Bulgaria. It was amazing to meet people and children who were willing to give you what little they had in order to make you feel welcome. I felt frustrated a lot during my time there because despite what I did, there was so much more that I could not do for those kids. But I learned a lot from them myself. I learned that in situations that seem desperate and even hopeless, many people hold on to what they do have and are grateful for the people around them, cherishing friendship and time spent with loved ones as a way of enjoying life, regardless of how bad it seems. This was certainly the case with all of the people I met in Bulgaria, especially with Velichko, an elderly man I visited twice who had never married and lived alone despite the fact that he could not really walk or take care of himself properly. When he first met me, he showed me his family pictures and told me how much he enjoyed meeting new people. “Now that I have got nothing left, spending time with the people like you who come to visit me is what I live for,” he said. “Sometimes I feel alone and question why I am still alive, but then I read the letters of other missionaries and foreigners I have met, and I remember that I have many people who care for me.” Although it was in some ways disheartening, I am glad that I could have that impact on someone I met. I know that they all had a great impact on me as well, and in some ways I think I am just like them, getting through life with the encouragement of loved ones and the memories of all the people I have met along the way.

Video

themeaningofthings — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 00:22:04 +0400

Farewell Dinner

themeaningofthings — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 07:20:56 +0400

Instead of going out for dinner, our host parents decided to throw one of their famous dinner parties during our last week there. Tonka, the orphanage director, made her famous bread and helped me make banitsa, my favorite Bulgarian dish. Kerlampi, their Greek friend, brought some of his homemade Greek wine and Georgi grilled pork chops and shish kabobs. There was a ton of food and too many toasts (Nazdrave!). We all had a great time.

My host parents, Violeta and Giorgi, as I remember them best:

Oh, Marian…

themeaningofthings — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:12:00 +0400

Oh, Marian…

Teddy!

themeaningofthings — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 03:00:54 +0400

Teddy!

Malea and Toshko’s arm wrestling competition.

themeaningofthings — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 02:58:49 +0400

Malea and Toshko’s arm wrestling competition.

Last Day at Vidrare

themeaningofthings — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 02:52:48 +0400

We went to Vidrare one last time before we left Razliv for Sofia. This time I made sure to take more pictures of the kids, despite the fact that we’re not really supposed to photograph them. Some of the pictures are difficult to look at, but it’s the reality of the lives of these kids, and surprisingly, they are a lot better off than many other children who are institutionalized here in Bulgaria.

The toughest case I saw was that of the 21-year-old twins, Sofia and Sibilla. These girls are my age but look like 2-year-olds because of cerebral palsy. They have many health issues and are in and out of hospitals so much that the hospital in Botevgrad (town about 20 minutes away from Vidrare) has refused to take them in anymore, considering them a lost cause. Any time they have health issues they have to be driven to Sofia. They are always kept together, which I think is great, but they aren’t bathed often and do not have their teeth brushed, so their teeth are rotting and they smell as if they are wasting away. They cringe when you touch them and are very sensitive to everything around them, so they usually sit together and move their eyes around the room. Sofia hated the camera, but Sibilla was smiling and enjoying our attention.

Ivo was one of my favorites, but he was not very comfortable with strangers, so I didn’t really get to spend time with him. He spent a lot of time alone and was very moody, throwing fits randomly and for no reason. I’m pretty sure he is autistic, but I could not tell for sure. Isn’t he adorable in this picture?

Bogdi (short for Bogdana) was the little brat of the group. Whenever we would swing the kids in blankets, she would hit the underside of the blanket and laugh. She loved attention and could be really sweet when she wanted something. She also liked to lie on the floor and scream when the orphanage workers weren’t there.

Malek was always laughing and loved attention. She was the happiest one in the group.

Ciao Razliv

themeaningofthings — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 21:11:20 +0400

Yesterday was our last day in Razliv. Since there are a lot of boys in Razliv, we thought it would be a good idea to bring in a few guys to play with them. Luckily, Elena got in contact with some LDS missionaries and they came to play with the kids for the afternoon. It was a great end to our time here in Razliv. The boys got to play soccer with the missionaries, and they all loved having strong guys who could actually lift them up and throw them in the air. We also met a Canadian lady who came to donate supplies to the orphanage, so it was an eventful day. The group photo was an epic fail, but it kind of shows how hectic it gets when you have 15-20 kids running around.

I simply love this kid.

themeaningofthings — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 20:57:40 +0400

I simply love this kid.

Some Minor Changes

themeaningofthings — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 17:25:16 +0400

Since we definitely cannot control all of the kids at Razliv, we decided that it would be better to split them up into groups for the remaining two weeks of our time here. Not only are they rowdy, but we noticed that a lot of them want individual attention that we cannot give them when they are all together. Elena, who speaks Bulgarian, talks about how a lot of the kids just want to talk. “Let’s have a conversation,” they say. “Ask me questions. Ask me why I am here.” So we decided to spend time with smaller groups, taking them on walks and trying to teach them different things. It’s worked really well.

We are teaching them how to tell time and how to count, which might seem very basic, but for them, it is quite difficult.

I’m not going to lie, but we kind of had to bribe them with chocolate (bon-bons!) to get them to come in the room, but after a while, they began to enjoy learning and competing with each other. It sucks to see that these kids could potentially be really intelligent and excel in their studies, but they just do not have the support necessary to foster their learning. A couple of them love to read and count and tell time, but no one helps them or gives them the encouragement they need.

We also began to take smaller groups on walks (the famous Raz-hotka, or however you say it in Bulgarian. It’s all they ever want to do). These kids will talk their heads off from the moment you hold their hand even though they know we don’t speak Bulgarian. They always look for someone to listen to them, and I think we’ve made some good progress since we started giving them individual attention. Or as individual as we can get.

The kids talking to two little boys who live in the neighborhood...

themeaningofthings — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 03:16:34 +0400

The kids talking to two little boys who live in the neighborhood and whom they met during our walk. So adorable.

Jordan.

themeaningofthings — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 03:14:12 +0400

Jordan.

The Walking Cherry Branch

themeaningofthings — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 03:11:00 +0400

Yesterday was hilarious. We decided to take a walk with six of the kids, and during our walk, we met a lady who decided to give the kids cherries. We said okay, not knowing that she was going to bring a ladder and cut a branch off her cherry tree for the kids. So for the rest of our walk, the kids carried a huge branch of cherries to the orphanage.

The lady who gave us the cherries had two little boys, so the kids were really excited to talk to them and wouldn’t stop petting the blond babies behind the fence. I’m going to miss these kids.

Dancing in Vidrare

themeaningofthings — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 21:39:40 +0400

Last Thursday, the kids in Vidrare decided to put on a show for us as a way to thank us for coming to visit them. They sang and danced for us, and then we joined them for one dance. It was too cute.

I also got to spend some quality time with Teddy, my favorite baby boy. He is really calm and when I hold him he usually just looks me in the eyes the whole time and touches my hands. I think he is about 8 and I don’t really know what disabilities he has, but he doesn’t talk, cannot walk, is very thin, drools constantly, and hates loud noises. He loves hugs and likes when I bounce him on my lap.

With these kids, it’s a lot different. Because they usually cannot speak or convey their thoughts, you only have their emotions as a way of knowing how they’re feeling. Because of that, it’s a lot harder to see them cry or be sad. When Teddy makes sad faces, for example, it’s a bit heartbreaking because I have no way of knowing what is wrong with him. But they are a lot easier to manage and appreciate our company much more than they kids at the other orphanage. While the kids at Razliv have each other to play with, these kids are usually too disabled to really interact with one another efficiently. Some of them can, but most cannot. Because of that, they love any attention or affection they receive. We all agree that it is here in Vidrare where our efforts are the most useful and needed.

Georgi. He’s going to be a heartbreaker someday.

themeaningofthings — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 21:14:51 +0400

Georgi. He’s going to be a heartbreaker someday.

Razliv.

themeaningofthings — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 03:32:20 +0400

Razliv.

"Greek Guy: There has been a change of plans. Instead of you all taking us out to dinner we thought..."

themeaningofthings — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 03:08:59 +0400

“Greek Guy: There has been a change of plans. Instead of you all taking us out to dinner we thought it’d be best to stay and eat here.
Me: Why? We really wanted to treat you guys to a nice dinner at a restaurant.
Greek Guy: Yes, but we’ll have to get two cars and Georgi and I will have to drive, so we won’t be able to drink. Drinking and driving laws are very strict in this country.
Me: I thought this was Bulgaria. What the highest legal BAC?
Greek Guy: Very, very low. They are actually a lot more strict than Greece, so we want to stay here and cook dinner rather than take the risk.
Me: I’m sure two of us could drive.
Greek Guy: Yes, but you would not be able to drink.
Me: I mean, we could just have one beer. It’s dinner.
Greek Guy: Nah, we can have dinner here, and we will make a typical Bulgarian meal. Georgi will fire up the grill.
Me: Uh, okay. So… you all don’t want to go out to dinner on Wednesday because you would rather stay here and get drunk?
Greek Guy: We want to have a good time. It will be fun. I will take you to get groceries tomorrow.”

- Me trying to convince our host family and their Greek friend to join us for dinner at a restaurant. These three are in the late 50’s and I’m sure they think we’re super lame.

Razliv.

themeaningofthings — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 02:25:19 +0400

Razliv.

I have been jogging around the village...

themeaningofthings — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 22:54:00 +0400

for the past few days and everyone knows it. I think that they find it really weird. Every time we go somewhere, someone tells me or Elena and Malea that they’ve seen me. But I still love running past the fields and saying ”Zdraveyte” to the old lady who has a herd of cows in a nearby pasture. Yesterday, it looked like it was going to rain and an old man stopped by me on the road and offered me a ride. At least I think that’s what he wanted to do. So I shook my head no and he opened his door and told me to get in. I really suck at this head shake thing.

Introducing Sasha! Here he talks about his two sisters in Sofia...

themeaningofthings — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 22:27:24 +0400

Introducing Sasha! Here he talks about his two sisters in Sofia and his love of skateboarding and janke.